I came down with a case of the should's and the fuck its today.
I threw out my diet pills. I am better then that.
I did make it to the gym once for half and hour. And walked to campus and back twice. And I did my homework and went to all my classes. an ok day. Heck I even talked to people in my class.
I wish I had friends at school. I need to learn to keep my mouth shut, and not disclose so much information. And I wish.... that I could just be normal. Not thinking about food 24/7, not spending money I dont have on bingeing food that I either purge or just spit. There is so much more to life then this. I know there is. I want it. But how do I get it?
No classes tomorrow, and then its the weekend and I have a pretty easy monday. There is binge food in the house, but my goal is to stay under 500cals a day, and to burn at least 500 at the gym each day. Totally possible. And I need to get all my homework done and everything else on my weekend chore list. And hopefully something social will come up and Ill go... stupid worry over cals or my body and everything. Bingeing. I should have gone out tonight. Should have taken a risk. But I didnt. ANd here I am...
its best to not should on yourself
You CAN stay at 500 today! Hold them off for as long as you can and then you can look forward to your calories later... works for me most of the time. For some reason after exercising I don't feel as hungry either. Have a great day today!
ReplyDeleteYou sound stressed. :(
ReplyDeleteIt's going to be a hard transition going back to school, but you are doing great already. Talking to people, getting your work done, finding time to exercise...a wonderful start to the semester! Be nice to yourself, it will get easier.
(I don't know anything about abusive relationships other than that they are bad news, but I wanted to give you this: <3<3<3 it's a hug)