Monday, November 30, 2009

hope everyone had a good thanksgiving. I did well considering everything and had an absolute blast. Here is a pic from the weekend in Baltimore. I went there for the big day at my aunts house. Im the gal with the baby on the left. I love that child to death, Ella, my second cousin.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

prep for my trip

I get to go to the east coast tomorrow. I'm flying out at noon. My cousin is picking me up, and taking me to dinner. Thursday morning I will go with her and her hubbie to the big thanksgiving fiasco! No one from my immediate family is going, just me, and I am totally stoked.

found out today that I am in my weight range
sweetness!- but after finding that out, I didnt eat a snack, and I restricted on dinner, and I have this intense urge to purge, and binge. self sabotage? ED telling me good, lie and lose weight. Lose weight lose weight lose weight! My body image is really negative and I am awfully critical of my thighs and my stomach. I bought clothes so when on my trip I can hide my stomach. Yuck, I hate how untoned and unfit I am.

I had breakfast and lunch in program
for dinner
slice of pumpkin bread
diet pepsi
1c cooked broccoli/ cauliflower
1-1 1/2c cooked white bean something with a little bit of bacon and who knows
3 bites of apple
1c mashed potatoes with butter?
and of course a big glass of water

Friday, November 20, 2009

keeping strong

So far, great! Still no purge and I have been following my meal plan to the T. Program went smooth today and so did m conversation with my dad. He can be really critical at times. However today, I was myself on the phone with him, as well as fully honest. Still no word from the team is I can travel for thanksgiving or not. I am trying, well I have to be, but really am trying to be patient and calm. Because regardless of their decision, my recovery and well being come first. I am staying strong in my recovery because of me, in other words, I have my own internal motivation. I am also noticing that I am not picking, and scrutinizing my body as much. That has significantly decreased. I think that is partly do to my better nutrition and weight restoration. Also to me actually feeling proud of myself for my changes surrounding food. OK, I am off to purchase Twlight :New Moon tickets. A couple of my housemates and I are going to go tonight, that is if not sold out.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

I am out of the hospital! I was discharged from UCLA yesterday. I have moved back into my sober living house in La Jolla and attend a day treatment program monday thru friday. It feels really good to be out of inpatient. I have a better head on my shoulders and a more confidence about myself. So far so good. Last purge was on Oct. 29th, last binge sept 29th, and I have restored around 8lbs. Seriously I feel great. I just have to convince my new program that I can be trusted to follow my meal plan and show them how well I am doing. I was invited to my aunts for thanksgiving (a week from today is when I leave on the trip). In order for me to go, I want my new treatment team to approve of my going. So, the task at hand is to stay on track, and keep moving forward in my recovery. Wish me luck