Thursday, March 19, 2009

shit...
what can I do with myself? I dont even know why I am agreeing to go the appointment tomorrow. Then I meet with the prof, and dont want to lie to anyone. I need to lose more weight. I need too. I need to stop bingeing and  purging yes. im throwing my life anyway I know this. And I need to do tonight is cry it all out, but I cant. I just keep binging and purging. And numbing. God, the fucking numbing.

I have to lie to my prof. I need her off my back. SHE NEEDS to think i am doing alright, that I am ok, or im afaird shell drop me from the program. Not let me go into spring quarter. Thats not what I wanted at all. 

I am trying to have a relationshp with this guy and all I think about is calories and how fat I am. ANd what I failure I am. What a lazy fuck that I am. 

And I am suppose to go home on tuesday? How can I? How can I face my parents? 

I couldnt even complete a descent workout. 100 calories was it. . . . .'
freaking aye, please dont let the scale say anything higher then 112lbs tomorrow. 

3 comments:

  1. You're doing fine! I'd tell you not to stress but it's easier said than done. Good luck tomorrow.

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  2. I'm glad you're back!

    And good luck with all the bs...

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  3. your doing good.. you've already lost alot of weight. Everything has it's ups and downs.. keep your eating normal for awhile until you can get your prof/therapists/parents off of your back. Get your life back on track first, and worry about losing weight as soon as your future..the rest of your life is secure.

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