what can I do with myself? I dont even know why I am agreeing to go the appointment tomorrow. Then I meet with the prof, and dont want to lie to anyone. I need to lose more weight. I need too. I need to stop bingeing and purging yes. im throwing my life anyway I know this. And I need to do tonight is cry it all out, but I cant. I just keep binging and purging. And numbing. God, the fucking numbing.
I have to lie to my prof. I need her off my back. SHE NEEDS to think i am doing alright, that I am ok, or im afaird shell drop me from the program. Not let me go into spring quarter. Thats not what I wanted at all.
I am trying to have a relationshp with this guy and all I think about is calories and how fat I am. ANd what I failure I am. What a lazy fuck that I am.
And I am suppose to go home on tuesday? How can I? How can I face my parents?
I couldnt even complete a descent workout. 100 calories was it. . . . .'
freaking aye, please dont let the scale say anything higher then 112lbs tomorrow.