Thursday, March 19, 2009

what can I do with myself? I dont even know why I am agreeing to go the appointment tomorrow. Then I meet with the prof, and dont want to lie to anyone. I need to lose more weight. I need too. I need to stop bingeing and  purging yes. im throwing my life anyway I know this. And I need to do tonight is cry it all out, but I cant. I just keep binging and purging. And numbing. God, the fucking numbing.

I have to lie to my prof. I need her off my back. SHE NEEDS to think i am doing alright, that I am ok, or im afaird shell drop me from the program. Not let me go into spring quarter. Thats not what I wanted at all. 

I am trying to have a relationshp with this guy and all I think about is calories and how fat I am. ANd what I failure I am. What a lazy fuck that I am. 

And I am suppose to go home on tuesday? How can I? How can I face my parents? 

I couldnt even complete a descent workout. 100 calories was it. . . . .'
freaking aye, please dont let the scale say anything higher then 112lbs tomorrow. 


  1. You're doing fine! I'd tell you not to stress but it's easier said than done. Good luck tomorrow.

  2. I'm glad you're back!

    And good luck with all the bs...

  3. your doing good.. you've already lost alot of weight. Everything has it's ups and downs.. keep your eating normal for awhile until you can get your prof/therapists/parents off of your back. Get your life back on track first, and worry about losing weight as soon as your future..the rest of your life is secure.