thank goodness!

despite the binging, I still weigh 113.4lbs

despite no period, i took a prego test and it was negative, which is fantastic. My child would have had all sorts of problems, not to mention like a 75% chance it would be deaf if you do the matrix. And I am 22, too young! 

despite myself, i still managed to get my draft done, and prep done for practicum,

So far I am holding my studies together... barely, but all that matters is that i am managing

i went to jello shot party on saturday, and guys flirted with me. I was thrilled! And my friend Katie pulled me into a room and told me I was getting too fucking skinny. Again, I was thrilled. She said it in a concerned way, but who cares, that night I looked skinny and I felt great. 

I have not been making it to the gym. I claim its b/c of too much homework, but really i just want to go home and binge and or go to the store and binge. Bingeing seems to be all i do.

I dont have a whole lot to say. I haven't been keeping up to my expectations, or to any of you gals successes. I am just trying to get through the day alive and well, just alive. Thats enough for me. And to extra winks in, and to go a couple hours without food and without thinking of bingeing is a success. 

As long as my scale stays under 114lbs.... I can manage. 

and i have been so down on myself I couldn't even bring myself to post. So my goal tomorrow is to check in and... POST!

Tomorrows plan of attack

1. No bingeing,

2. No purging

3. 45 mins of exercise

4. Wear my pedometer and see how many steps I do in a normal tuesday (minus gym time)

5. Video my practicum session. 

6. Complete part of my assignment that goes with the video taping

7. Do my article review for behavior interventions class

8. Go to all my classes (surprisingly I haven't skipped any yet!)

9. Laugh out loud at least twice

10. Say something nice, and appreciating to my sister

11. Call my dad, and like the above- say something nice and appreciating, and I will add not raise my tone and voice, be civil

12. Be Ok with what I eat

13. Post and plan out my attack for Wednesday ( I have a 2hr essay online midterm, and I picked up a shift at work)

Foodwise:

4c coffee apple large   pkg salmon

tbs nonfat milk 1 pkg raw broccoli tbs fat free sour cream

1/3c bran flax hot cereal 1 carrot bag of cooked veggies

tbs nutritonal yeast 1/2 onion 13 gluten free herb crackers

tbs wheat germ 1 pkg sliced mushrooms 4c coffee

18oz H2o 18oz H2o 18oz H2o

total calories: 1000 calories or less