words for thought
I started out this morning all psyched about recovery. Did well and stayed busy up till a hour hour ago. Then i did a mini lunch, plus binge. it was the blue cheese on the salad that did it over my edge. Not sure why. I a was just really eating what a normal meal would be but somehow I made it "too much" in my mind so it had to be purged. And now as I sit here typing, I want more food just to purge it up. I know I am going impatient on wednesday as long as my insurance will cover it, which I am 75% sure it is. Yet I wonder the what ifs. I had been good about not purging up until a week ago. I even spent 16 dollars yesterday on binge food. And ate alone in my car, which I said I wouldn't do. What did I relapse. I think my disease or disorder whatever you like to call it is screaming.. why not, because this is last chance, you are going into the hospital again, you might as well bp. Lose weight. why not, you know you want to. i hate that voice, but its a love hate relationship.