Wednesday, September 23, 2009

going back inpatient on Monday

my labs are fine, my blood pressure is low, HR was 82, yet my lack of following a meal plan and restricting, and losing weight has my partial treatment program discharging me to inpatient. I will be attending UCLA 90% sure. I have chatted with them today and everything seems set for monday, UCLA is checking my benefits as we speak. I am hoping to hear from them tomorrow. The sooner the better just so I have plans, something solidifying, so I am not in limbo anymore. This sucks going back. Giving up my liberties once again. This will be number 4 for inpatient "visits."

I knew it was coming. But did I subconsciously make or want this to happen? I am not sure. I think my treatment team thinks that I enjoy being inpatient. Grant it there are some comforts to it, for instance being taken care of, more support, which I need. Did I need to go so far to prove that I am that sick? What am I doing? Why am I still restricting, and playing this eating disorder game. Answers unknown at this moment. I am just typing from the heart (as well as waiting for my whitening teeth strips to be over). My night time meds are kicking in so I am going to retire back to my bedroom. Goodnight my friends

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