1st half day back in...

Yes to all, I am once again back in inpatient care. This time a new place. Overall, this is my 4th stay at an inpatient facility. With that being said...

Overall, I am doing alright. Dinner went by ok. Salmon, green beans, and strawberries I skipped the lunch hour because I wasnt checked in yet (ED didnt mind that). They show my weight here. Its part of their phliosohpy. Which... I am actually ok with this. I cant hide from scales forever. 108.4lbs at check in...... ok, ed was PISSED. Thats it! 108.4 Why cant I be skinnier! However, some of the patients here are in bad, bad shape. One has a colonspy bag (her colon removed... think about it!) A bag for her shit... dont know excatlly know the specfics of how that works, but wow.... and another had a heart attack at 19, was in the medical hospital for a month before she came here last week. Again... I am so blessed nothing like that has happened to me. Well... I was in a coma once (aug of 2008 for three days) but that wasnt eating disorder related. But they are scary scary looking, and I dont ever want to look like that. Or be so sick and battling this disorder so long that I have to eat puree food all the time...again gross.

Also, here at UCLA they talk calories. Like I need to pick a 150 cal snack, or so many cals at dinner. So I know excatly how many calories I am consuming.... Only 6 patients here, which is nice, and I see my individual thearpist each day, but offically meet 3 times a week for a session. I think this program is going to be alright for me. Some staff are young but nothing like the other place. And I will get use to everything. I am still feeling overwhelmed and nervous, but doing ok.

thats all for now. later beautys!