Wednesday, September 30, 2009

1st half day back in...

Yes to all, I am once again back in inpatient care. This time a new place. Overall, this is my 4th stay at an inpatient facility. With that being said...

Overall, I am doing alright. Dinner went by ok. Salmon, green beans, and strawberries I skipped the lunch hour because I wasnt checked in yet (ED didnt mind that). They show my weight here. Its part of their phliosohpy. Which... I am actually ok with this. I cant hide from scales forever. 108.4lbs at check in...... ok, ed was PISSED. Thats it! 108.4 Why cant I be skinnier! However, some of the patients here are in bad, bad shape. One has a colonspy bag (her colon removed... think about it!) A bag for her shit... dont know excatlly know the specfics of how that works, but wow.... and another had a heart attack at 19, was in the medical hospital for a month before she came here last week. Again... I am so blessed nothing like that has happened to me. Well... I was in a coma once (aug of 2008 for three days) but that wasnt eating disorder related. But they are scary scary looking, and I dont ever want to look like that. Or be so sick and battling this disorder so long that I have to eat puree food all the time...again gross.

Also, here at UCLA they talk calories. Like I need to pick a 150 cal snack, or so many cals at dinner. So I know excatly how many calories I am consuming.... Only 6 patients here, which is nice, and I see my individual thearpist each day, but offically meet 3 times a week for a session. I think this program is going to be alright for me. Some staff are young but nothing like the other place. And I will get use to everything. I am still feeling overwhelmed and nervous, but doing ok.

thats all for now. later beautys!


  1. I'm glad you feel like the program will be good for you! Best of luck my dear!


  2. Wow, that sounds really scary... I am so terrified of going in to treatment, that I'm denying even having a problem... I am only getting worse now when I know I have to go into treatment… It’s like I need to loose the last pounds before they make me fat in there, you know?
    But I’m sincerely happy for you. It such a brave thing that you are doing, and I admire that.