I am better today. leave it at that. Yesterday different story. I am on 1:1 or one to one supervision for self harm and eating disorder behaviors. Its intense having someone around all that time, but they bandaged me up and cover and cleaned my wounds. That I am ok with except on my arm. It makes it look worse then it is.
Yesterday was the day 8/17 that I was raped before my 16th birthday. I turn 23 on monday. Through the course of my lise several shitty thigs I have encounter and been through. I wont tell my life story here, I did so already in a group setting. What I will say is that I can get through all this pain and hurt, and one day I will not let the memories and nightmares have so much power of me and my thoguhts and actions. It was really nice to have my indeivial tharpist, who is also the head dirctor of the program, been in the rooma t the same time I told my life story.
I get to go to yoga two times this week. Since I have a one to one, I lost my level 2 privleges, but I did get to go outside for a bit and fed the ferral cats. PS spell cheaker isnt working tonight for some reason.....so I apoliges if words are jumbled and off. I am typing a stream consceince style tonight.
I did like to journal. My blogging so my type of journaling. It just works better for me. I am so anxious and shaky as I type this. I hate that I cant excerise. I am wired otnight. but I think I will take my meds earlyier so that I can sleep. Maybe I will knit some more. Just always having someone around is unerving. Yes it's for my own good but still, must they attend with me to the restroom?
got to go