Friday, August 14, 2009

good news, but hella nerves

My mom and dad have been amazing every since our last family session. Get this. My dad is driving the 22 hours to visit me tomorrow and for a 2hr pass on Sunday! I get to leave the facility! yay! And to see my dad! I am stoked, however very nervous. What's he going to say to me? Is this a check in on me and making sure I am doing my job or the treatment is doing there job? Who knows, am I going to be able to live through the weekend and sit with my anxiety? You betcha. Don't really have another choice but is is so worth it to go on a pass. Both my individual therapist and family therapist thought it would be great for to use this opportunity to spend some one on one time with the dad. And how often with this opportunity come up. I mean, home is 22 hours away from where I am in treatment.

other good news: I have come to accept that I am going to be in inpatient treatment for awhile longer. Probably till the first week of September. That means that I must accept me not doing my internship this fall and having to post pone it, Sucks. But that's reality. I have been given this opportunity to heal and to recovery, and if insurance is paying, I need to take advantage of it. I am going to write my letter to my department supervisor after I finish blogging.

I am dieing to take pics of myself to see what I look like. I know by body has changed. I'm up to 110lbs now, with my ideal goal range of 118-121lbs. So far to ad to the good news is today is the end of day three with 100% eating my meal plan ( no hiding food, or purging). But at the end of the day I cant help but exercise. I try to do at least thirty minutes. I run in my room, jumping jacks, abs, squats, pace around, do arm dips and push ups. But overall, I am improving.

ta ta for now


  1. congrats! sounds as if you are really trying, just dont give up;)

    and dont worry about your dad, the fast that he is coming to see you so far just for 2hrs is big and means he really cares about you.

  2. I am in awe of you. You are amazing and so brave and strong... I wish I was more like you. I wish you ALL of the best and I KNOW you can do this.

    You are amazing. Keep it up and keep us updated.

  3. Sorry about your internship. But I guess you’re right, you should take this chance on healing.
    Great that your dad’s coming to visit you, really! 22 hours … wow, such a long drive.
    I can’t imagine what it’s like in the facility … is it okay? I don’t know, you sound so… relaxed. I hope you’re doing okay!

  4. Do they weigh you before you've eaten, or at the end of the day? Because I find that food weight can be as much as 4 pounds!!

    I hope you heal - use your treatment as time to get yourself sorted. And enjoy your time with your Dad!!

  5. good for you!

    (but i'm confused... does your treatment centre know about the blogging? surely as long as you hold onto your blog you havent actually committed to getting better, just to leaving...? And maybe i missed when you said which one you are striving for?)

    i hope that you hear my good intentions in this post, i'm aware its probably nothing you want to hear! and have a great time with your parents, x