super stresses

super tired

super hungry

super.. stressed

 

I have a major case of supers and castrophizing, with a heaping of depression

My coffee date went well. I could bring myself to weigh in this morning, I just want to have a good day. My professor whom I have coffee with paid me a comment that I looked really good today, that I look rested, but I think its because I didn't have how much I weighed on my mind. So kudos for me for not stepping on that scale. Sleep also does play a favor in how rested I look, and thank goodness my sister roommate came home because I could spend all wee hours bingeing and purging, and I did sleep! I love sleep. 

Sleep is wonderful. And I left my apartment at ten am and am down on Woods studying, after walking through the Farmers Market (wonderful thing my town has every summer, its just amazing, the produce, the stuff, the smells, just wonderful and its all local families and businesses). LIke I said, my coffee chat with the professor was good, light hearted and causal, not the serious ones she and I have exchanged. My sister wants the car at Noon. 

My goal is to make it to 7pm today with out eating. BEcause eating for me turns into bingeing and purging, so maybe my goal should be refrain from bping until 7pm. Why 7pm? I am just trying to control and contain it. At that time at work 7pm should be keeping me busy. If I am struggling I can take a break ad walk around outside or call a couple friends.  Its really tempting right now to go and bp.... am I procrastinating? hungry? anxious? humm... thirsty? habit? 

ps to the questions about laxatives: people can get addicted to them because they work fast in terms of altering a number on the scale. Its a "quick fix" but you are right in the beleif that they arent really doig anything other then removing already coloricaly waste. Taking laxatives does not help losing weight, however, having a good gi tract and digestive system, healthy colon that equals good body and potentially weight loss. try probiotics! 

stay safe,

R

i freaking hate having a period. I cry the day before or a couple of days prior and at the time I cant figure out why Im so irritable, breakout zits! hate them, and worse my weight jumps up. freakkkkka.... 115lbs! what the hell is that. I am freaked this morning, but tonight I got what I think is the beginning of a period which is good meaning Im not pregnant and good in that could explain the weight jump. I did have a couple bad days of blow out binge and purge and I don't really want to face the damage it did to my weight loss accomplishments. 

I did manage to run this afternoon for 3 miles in the sun on the track, and walked on the tread while reading articles so my total work out time around 50mins. I didn't eat anything from 3am- 4pm, almost 13. 3am was when I went to bed, woke at 7:30am and stayed on campus till work, and work was where the damage happened.

I walked in to pizza boxes and an entire plate of fresh strawberry crumb coffee cake... seriously, try not to binge on that, and my whole work is an abundance of food bound for the garbage. Not the best place to be when you are trying to quit purging and try to embrace fasting.

Maybe tomorrow will be better... goal... no food till 7pm, only water and coke zero, and coffee, and splashes of almond milk.