Thursday, December 3, 2009
Im not doing so hot. And I feel like it is tattooed to my forehead, and everyone sees it, and is whispering behind my back, and talking under their breathe. As if they are looking down on me, scolding me almost. I've had some lapses if not a full blown relapse. Purging again. A binge or two, the binges have been kept to 2-3 in a week and 1/2, but I have resorted to purging. I guess on the good note, I have times in the same time frame where I was able to talk myself out of a binge and or out of a purge. Think Think Think is an AA slogan, but heck it words for those who suffer like me with an eating disorder. For instance, after purging twice and standing at the toliet bowl to purge once again (just consumed ice cream cake and like 20 sour patch kids candy (not the whole bag!) and it dawned on me. I dont have to purge. I dont have to keep this cycle. I dont want this. And I walked away. Grant it I am tossing and turning, find trouble with sleeping tonight, but its worth it. Ill get threw it.